Fiction

by Ren Stedman

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The 2017 EP 'Fiction' is the biographical story of the fictional character Alfred Parkes written by Ren Stedman.

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released July 21, 2017

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Ren Stedman Grays, UK

Acoustic / Folk Musician from South Essex, UK.

80% Cotton 20% Polyester.

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Track Name: Expect Anything Less From Me
I went out again to a bar outside of town
and I woke up on the floor with all my stuff turned upside-down
by the rubbish bins at tescos where I must have gone to sleep
where I seem to end up almost every morning of the week.

And a hobo stole my phone whilst I was trying to be nice
by letting him just make a call to his imaginary wife
and I was far too drunk to chase him like I always am at night
and lets face the fact that really I'm a pussy in a fight.

So I fucked up again
what will Mum say?
When she finds out I spend my rent
on booze and MDMA
she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she,
didn't expect anything less from me.

And I've not been to work for near enough a week today
but my manager's not stupid and she hates me anyway
so I'm just waiting for that letter titled P45
with the days I didn't turn up with the hours, weeks and times.

So I fucked up again
what will Mum say?
When she finds out I lost my job
for being drunk and off my face
she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she,
didn't expect anything less from me.

And I'm sure I'll learn my lesson soon
the hard way from the stupid things I do

So I fucked up again
what will Mum say?
When she finds out I lost my job
for being drunk and off my face
she will probably pull that face of disappointment but like she,
didn't expect anything less from me.
Track Name: Benny & Joon
I'll be your Benny if you'll be my June
We will drive to the beach
And we'll fly to the moon
You'll write me poems
And your words can move me
And we'll be so happy
Just like in the movie.

We'll get a flat by the coast or the country
And you'll wake me up
Just to tell me you love me
And I'll wake up tired
But it will be worth it
To know that once we've paid the house off
We've earn it.

And I'm not too good at staying in love
Because I get afraid that I won't be enough
For somebody like you, that has no imperfections
But I'll try my hardest and damn did I mention
That I have to sleep with the light in my room
Glaring bright in my face or at least shining through
My doorway but I know that you shine so bright
That with you I feel safe turning off all the lights
My dear.

I'll be your Benny if you'll be my June
They'll all say we won't last but that isn't true
If you get sick again I'll be there when you fall
And be right by your side all the time through it all

We'll stay up late talking about our lives
I don't listen to half 'cause I'm lost in your eyes
And the way that you get so intense when you think
About this time last year you were close to the brink.

But I'm not too good at staying in love
Because I get afraid that I won't be enough
For somebody like you, that has no imperfections
But I'll try my hardest and damn did I mention
That I have to sleep with the light in my room
Glaring bright in my face or at least shining through
My doorway but I know that you shine so bright
That with you I feel safe turning off all the lights
My dear.

I sit in silence and turn down the tv
And think about how I am now seeing clearly
And I think how life was better than I'd guessed
And how life doesn't seem quite as good or the same since you left
Track Name: Partner In Crime
You said, you've got cigarettes, I'm sorry do you mind?
I said if you've got a lighter 'cause the gas ran out from mine
And I, introduced myself and you just said okay
I said, I think this is the part where you're supposed to say your name

But you were so high
And I was sober
And I think you must have got the impression
That I was a few years older
Cause I couldn't even get served at the bar
And you couldn't even tell that I was watching from afar
The way you walked
And the way you talked to people you didn't even know

And I've been looking for somebody that was not a waste of time
Somebody that would be the perfect partner in crime
To fight my battles with
Someone to grow older with.

You drank, half a bottle of the cheapest tasting wine
And you, said I'm surprised they even served me I get ID'd all the time
Cause you said, I'd rather spend my money on a drink than identification

And you were so high
You probably don't even remember
It was freezing cold outside and in the middle of December
In Southend
And I said would you maybe wanna hang out again?
and you could have said maybe
but you passed out in mid sentence and your friend said that’s all you seem to do lately.

you left you necklace on the floor
kinda like a modern day disney film hatching right in front of me
but i’m pretty sure that cinderella hadn’t drank half of the bar and taken all that ecstasy
but you’re just my type
the kinda girl that has her own list of what is wrong and what is right
Track Name: Waiting
When she walks
Flowers part as she moves by
Clouds roll away from the sky up above
And he knew right away it was love love love

When she breathes
She exhales freshly fallen leaves
And his heart starts to sing like the birds in the trees
It was love love love

And when you're ready to let someone in, well just let me know,
Cause the stars in the sky couldn't shine quite as bright as your eyes as they start to glow
As I whisper your name well these words feel like home can you hear?
But until your mine well love I'm waiting here

When she talks
rain stops to listen and freeze
notes from her tongue catch and ride on the breeze
just hear you speak

When the night
breaks through and there’s nothing but dark
the sun comes back up just build on your spark
if it starts to believe that it’s weak

And when you're ready to let someone in, well just let me know,
Cause the stars in the sky couldn't shine quite as bright as your eyes as they start to glow
As I whisper your name well these words feel like home can you hear?
But until your mine well love I'm waiting here

i’ve been pacing my room every night
to think up the word’s I could say if i’d try
to paint you a picture with words about you
but until then I’m waiting to see if it’s true
that love at first sight was the worst way to break a heart in two.
Track Name: Biting Back
The lights are off and so is she
And every night when she'd fall asleep
He'd crawl outside and down the street
To a bar just out of town

The buses stopped an hour ago
And trains at night run few and slow
But every night he'd always go
To buy himself a round

To pass the time 'til the club doors
Open to the dance floor
And he puts his shoes on
To party at the next one
And with all of his friends gone
He's gone and made some new ones
And he's in retirement
He's ageing but he fights it
He doesn't want to think that
He's just letting every day pass
By living like he used to
So he just made his own rules

Cause karma’s biting back
A lot harder that it used to
And I don't wanna make do
With standing still and wishing I had tried
To make the best of my
Life i won't let pass me by
I won't let go this time is mine
And if I get lost along the way that's fine

The bell rings at the bar to say
it’s closing time and honestly
he didn’t keep track of time again
so he jets out of the door

the sun is rising in the sky
he’s been here the entire night
and his wife will surely wonder why
he isn’t home in bed.

So while he’s thinking of excuses
like the ones he always uses
he tries to buy a ticket
and the ticket man refuses
he spent all of his money
on the tab he made last night
and so he has to run back home
before his wife wakes up and notices her husbands really high
Track Name: I've Been Thinking Too Much
can you see in my eyes
can you tell from my voice
that I’m getting bad again
and I’ve spent too much time alone by myself.

can you tell from the way
that as I leave and say
goodbye like i’m leaving forever?
with the boxes I labelled
and packed on the table
and the note that I wrote for good measure.

I’ve been thinking too much
I’ve been thinking too much
I’ve been thinking too much my friend
I’ve been thinking too much
I’ve been thinking too much
I’ve been thinking too much again

did you notice the days
that I called up to say
I can’t come into work
cause I’m sick.
but I wouldn’t specify
cause if I told you my mind
was the reason
a doctor couldn’t fix.

The maximum dose
had already been reached
and for a while I must have been stable
to put on a face
like I knew I could make it
Or at least like I thought I was able.

So what if I said that I couldn’t go on
that the problem was me and the doctors were wrong
that the one percent of people who couldn’t get past
this feeling of knowing that the good things in life never last
Track Name: Alfred Parkes
He's wearing thin
Just like the crumpled shirt and bleach stained trousers he was in.
Nobody even cared to ask old Alfie where he'd been
For 14 days.

He's still the same
Significantly older but still stuck in his old ways
He's worked here his whole life and even then
Nobody knows his name.

He clocks in around 9am
Repeats the same old shift again
His eyes glaze over just to stay awake
He's always there on time
but with no rise since ’89
When his hairline was intact
And his wife was still alive.

He hangs his coat
on the peg just by the door and there’s a tightness in his throat
Alfie says he knows just how to change but won’t
because he’ll always be afraid

He lays in bed
see’s the empty side next to him where his wife would lay her head
every night before the lights went out he would listen as she said
I’ll never go away

The ceiling looks so bare at night
his shadow casts against the light
that’s shining from the street lamp by the road
His says a prayer to Mrs Parks
and feels her presence in the dark
she whispers promise me you won’t let go
you’ve so much to give
if only they would know

Alfred Parks, a quiet man
his silence meant they didn’t understand
lived through wars to tell the day
but nobody would even look his way

‘cause these new kids in the office came
and took half of his work away
and now he’s earning half of his old wage
the bastards said it’s time to leave
but Alfred said ‘I need this please’
it’s the only thing I have left, and I need
something to hold onto since she’s gone
and i holding tight but barely hanging on.